How to Disagree During the Holidays
Why Disagreements Can Bring Us Closer Together
Introduction
In the past four years since the pandemic, it’s been hard to have conversations with people.
Everyone has been under one of the greatest menticidal psychological operations—this country has ever seen. It’s taken a toll on all of us.
People have lost childhood and generational friends over this.
So, granted, it makes it hard for us to have conversations during times like Thanksgiving and Christmas because there might be some tension there.
Unfortunately, this is a result of our society, but we need to bring back these uncomfortable conversations. We need to bring back disagreements because disagreements are one of the most beautiful things that occur in humanity.
I recently read this article by
. He talks about the proper ways to have disagreements — phenomenal read. I’ve linked it down below1. There are two aspects of the article that I want to call out.The first aspect is we need to understand what a disagreement is. A disagreement happens when two individuals with different perspectives have different views on life.
That’s it. That’s the biggest act of humility you can take—realizing there are two different perspectives. Maybe intentionally or psychologically manipulated, but there are two different perspectives here.
The question is, how do we converse and seek to understand each other’s perspective? The article does a great job of explaining this.
When you have a disagreement with someone, the goal is to understand where they’re coming from rather than just pushing your thoughts. That means you’ve got to listen to them.
In the article, the author suggests setting rules for disagreements:
Identify the point of contention (disagreement).
First, establish what point you’re arguing about. What’s the focus of the conversation? Are we debating a “yes or no” topic, or is it something deeper? Defining this sets the tone.
Nothing personal is said.
This keeps the conversation cohesive. People are now arguing effectively rather than emotionally.
Steel Manning.
This is a concept I love. Steel manning means making their argument as strong as possible so you fully understand where they’re coming from. Why do they see things this way? When you steel man, you’re treating their argument with respect, showing that you understand their perspective. You’re becoming one with their point of view.
Charity before Critique.
Before critiquing someone’s argument, ensure you truly understand it. Repeat it back to confirm understanding and then critique as needed. This creates a space for mutual respect and thoughtful discussion.
This was a phenomenal approach to disagreements. Imagine this: we can disagree and see each other’s perspective, but we still love and respect each other. We don’t need to ignore people or retreat into echo chambers, especially during times like this.
We need to engage. And ideally, we need to do it in person. It’s tough to have these deep conversations online. Pick up the phone. Have a conversation with someone—it’s probably been a while.
Thanks for taking the time to read this. If you want to dive deeper into these ideas, check out the full article I mentioned.
Happy holidays and Merry Christmas from Unorthodoxy! Ashe!
— Franklin O’Kanu
Articles To Discuss On Christmas
Next Steps
This Christmas season, let’s embrace the art of meaningful disagreement.
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Great article, Franklin!