The Great Connector: How Cellphones Rewired Human Relationships in Just 20 Years

From courtship to conversation, we’ve replaced face-to-face humanity with algorithmic intimacy—and it’s costing us more than we think.

The Portal In Your Palm

They say we’re more connected than ever.

That’s a lie. And it’s hiding one of the greatest social breakdowns of our time.

In just two decades, face-to-face connection has collapsed—and the device in your hand is to blame.

We’ve traded physical presence for digital convenience.

And in the process, we’ve redefined what it means to be human—without ever consenting to the change.

TL;DR

• Twenty years ago, 85% of human communication happened in person—among neighbors, coworkers, and loved ones.

• Today, over 70% happens through a screen, mostly via cellphones—replacing presence with projection.

• This isn’t just convenience—it’s engineered disconnection. A deliberate rewiring of human intimacy, attention, and identity.

• The more we rely on these devices to mediate relationships, the more predictable, programmable, and emotionally reactive we become. And that’s not an accident—it’s a design feature.

• This article reveals how connection was hijacked, and how the cellphone became the perfect tool for behavioral control—hidden in plain sight.

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Life Before the Scroll

As a millennial, I grew up without a cell phone. I remember going through childhood and adulthood without a cell phone. My first experience with a cell phone was in the 8th grade, and all it had was the game “Snake.”

I remember getting a Blackberry as a 21—or 22-year-old. You could send some emails then, but no one used it like that.

It wasn’t until I turned 24 or 25—almost 10 years ago—that cell phones became a staple in American society.

What’s interesting is that I grew up without a cell phone. I became an adult without a cell phone, and so even 10 years after that, from teenager to adult, cell phone use was still limited.

But in today’s world, that is the complete opposite. My toddler has experience with cell phones. As I began looking into this, I realized that the ease with which our human species has changed its mode of communication needs to be addressed.

Currently, cell phones are responsible for, at most, more than 70% of interpersonal communications. Just 20 years ago, the inverse was the norm: 85% of communication within the human species took place in person.

(Check out the methodology in the notes section below on how I derived these numbers¹)

If you want to get between individuals, all you need is 20 years and a piece of technology, and this is how you do it.

This is the phenomenon I want to explore: how technology has become “the great connector.”

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The Evolution of Dating

Once I graduated from university and became a working professional—about 15 years ago—I remember wanting to date, interact with, and meet others. Now that I was no longer studying, I had time.

I remember specifically wanting to better myself, so I got back in shape. I started reading a lot of Men’s Health—that’s all I knew. I got in shape and began reading books about engaging with the opposite sex—how to talk to women.

So there was this metamorphosis because, for someone like me, who was somewhat new to this area, there was work to be done.

I had to prove myself to the opposite sex and display pleasurable characteristics, so I had to go to the gym. I had to get stronger. I had to appeal to people. It’s very animalistic—it’s mating.

But it worked out phenomenally.

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Later, the phenomenon of Netflix and Chill came on the scene. I want to say that Men’s Health wrote an article saying, “The concept of Netflix and chill is going to be very destructive.”

Like me, the author of that article had a similar testimony, saying, “Okay, now I want to make myself attractive. I have to go to the gym, I have to listen to how I talk, I’ve got to know how to present myself, my best foot forward.”

He also mentioned that there would be a lag in the human nature of mating because now it was simply reduced to a swipe. This was also around the time the dating app Tinder came out.

And what happened was that he was right. This was back in 2012, 2013? Almost 15 years ago. You now have smartphones, Tinder, and the whole Netflix-and-chillin thing.

So what started 15 years ago has only intensified, and one of the biggest things I’ve realized—just being online and observing the communication between individuals—is how hard it is to date.

Modern individuals always say, “There’s no one to date,” “It’s so hard to meet somebody,” etc.

It’s interesting because as someone who dated 15 years ago—before the technology—I loved dating.

I enjoyed dating. I loved meeting people. I loved talking to people. I thoroughly enjoyed the act of getting to know another human being. That was so much fun.

But nowadays, people complain about it. People would rather be alone, yet they don’t understand why.

Why is this the case?

The reason is no mystery. The number one reason is right in our faces—it is none other than the device in our hands.

Twenty years ago—and even just 10 years ago—this device didn’t exist the way it does now. Humans talked to each other in person about 85 percent of the time. I grew up talking to individuals.

But now, 70 percent of our communication goes through a phone, and that is a problem.

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Transhumanism Through Technology

This newfound way of life becomes problematic because when communication happens through a technological device, you’re not really talking to the individual.

You’re not in person; you’re not getting the energy, the feeling—you’re not getting it the same way if the conversation were in person.

What you’re getting is a pseudo-effect.

When technology is the medium, someone can put their best foot forward and can be artificial. You don’t know if you like them or just like the persona being presented to you. This perspective presents the first issue with this new way of life.

But number two—and I think this is one of the biggest things I’ve noticed—is that communication through technology comes with a hit of dopamine.

When someone sends a text, an email, or a message, there’s a notification associated with it. There’s a beep, there’s excitement. So it’s possible to go days texting someone, full of notifications and pings, and it feels cool and engaging.

But it’s different once it’s in person.

There are no notifications in person. No beeps. Just life.

And that’s where the hard part begins for a lot of people. They’ve grown up in a technological world where they don’t really know how to interact with humans anymore.

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The fact of the matter is that technology is replacing something that was once deeply human: simply having a conversation with someone.

Technology is now inserting itself into human dialogue. Who even needs transhumanism? You could argue that transhumanism is already here because most of our communication now happens through technology.

Another essential thing to recognize is that twenty years ago, when we didn’t have this level of access, who did you talk to?

You probably communicated with your neighbors. You spoke to people in your actual vicinity. And if you had a conversation with someone, it was with someone who mattered to you. You had more in-person interactions.

Now, we all have cell phones. We’re connected to everyone. We’re constantly texting someone. Group chats are non-stop, and social media makes it worse with people sharing random cat videos through direct messaging.

And as I’ve said in earlier articles, when will you have time to think?

When will you have time to dive into the aether if you’re always on your phone?

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Closing Thoughts

The good news is that more people are becoming aware. Some people are having digital detox days. I see more videos of individuals saying, “Hey, I just don’t use my smartphone.”

Me personally—you’ll never get me on the weekends. You have a better chance of reaching my wife than reaching me on my cellphone. I do try to respond to emails, especially to my paid subscribers—thank you for the attention and support—but there are times when you won’t reach me. People know not to call/text because I simply don’t use my phone on the weekends.

Part of it is that I want to live as historically as possible. I want to live a life that mirrors, as much as possible, how early humans lived. I want to keep that connection to early humanity.

It’s hard in this technological world, but we take small steps every day. One of those steps is simple: every single day, when we have dinner, we have it as a family. And when we have dinner, there are no cellphones. We talk to each other—every single day.

It’s so cute now, because if I’m not at the table, my toddler son will say, “Where’s Dad? Dad needs to be here,” or “Daddy, put the phone down.” That’s the culture we’ve built.

We can keep our humanity in this technological world. By becoming aware of how much we rely on the great Ahrimanic force that is technology—the great connector—we can start to take control of it and eliminate it when needed.

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If you enjoyed this article, I recommend becoming a paid subscriber to check out my other piece on cellphone traps and loops—how they’re designed to keep us stuck and why it’s so hard to break free.

I also encourage you to read my article Space and Time, which explores how our phones act like portals—pulling us into different realities. The more we use them, the more we experience space and time—not as grounded, physical dimensions— but as gateways into distraction.

When you realize this, you begin to understand the importance of using your own space and time intentionally to open portals of possibility, not confinement.

If you’re interested in expanding that awareness further, check out my article on How To Train Your Mind—a reflection on what the mind is, and how easily it can be moved, shaped, or misused when left unfocused.

As always, thank you for your time and attention.

Have a wonderful day.

Ashe,

Franklin O’Kanu

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Notes and References

1. Methodology Behind the Numbers

I worked with ChatGPT to derive a statistically significant methodology to state these numbers. Here’s how we did so:

To arrive at the estimate that only 10–15% of communication occurred via cellphones in 2005, we considered historical access, behavior, and demographic trends. Pew Research shows that in 2005, around 65% of U.S. adults owned a cellphone—primarily for limited voice calls and basic SMS, often constrained by expensive per-message pricing and minute caps. Smartphone usage was negligible, and children, teens, and seniors had far less access to mobile devices than adults in urban professions. In-person communication dominated everyday life, while landline phones and desktop email filled the remaining share. When adjusted across the full population—factoring in access and usage behavior—cellphones accounted for no more than 10–15% of total interpersonal communication at the time.

By contrast, in 2025, smartphones are nearly universal, with ownership exceeding 90% across all age groups—including teens and older adults. Unlike in 2005, these devices are no longer limited to voice or text. Most interpersonal communication now takes place through mobile-enabled platforms: texting, instant messaging (WhatsApp, iMessage), voice notes, video calls (FaceTime, Zoom), social media DMs, and app-based group chats. Even email—once tethered to desktops—is now read and replied to on phones.

Behavioral shifts have followed the technology. People now check their phones over 100 times a day. Notifications, blue ticks, read receipts, and group chats have replaced casual drop-ins and spontaneous calls. Asynchronous, screen-mediated exchanges have become the default—even for close relationships.

In total, mobile devices are estimated to mediate between 70–80% of all interpersonal communication today.

This shift isn’t just technological—it’s spiritual, social, and psychological.